Allowing Things To Be.

You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen. ~Paulo Coelho

How can I be detached from outcomes?
Do your best, but don't be discouraged by outcomes.

Do your best, but don’t be discouraged by outcomes.

Detachment from situations and results is necessary if getting to know your true self is the goal. It’s difficult to remain emotionally uninvolved when surrounded by problems and outcomes.

Emotional attachment colors our perception of a situation, and prevents clear, rational thought.

Emotional attachment takes us out of the present, where reality exists, and leads us into “whys?” and “what ifs?”.

Being attached to a particular outcome in a situation can cause the desired result to not manifest. We become unbalanced, obsessive and unable to allow our life story to unfold.

If we spend too much effort trying to influence results, we’re focusing too much on one aspect when we don’t know what’s really best for us in the long run.

Life has a way of working itself out, even if we don’t understand the individual steps that lead to the conclusion.

Be detached and open to what is

Detachment is a difficult skill to cultivate, but it is necessary if contentment in life is desired. None of us get everything we want, and that’s a good thing. Think back ten years or more, and recall something that you yearned for but didn’t get. Usually it was for the best that your yearning wasn’t fulfilled… I wanted to stay with my teenage years love interest forever. We didn’t, and I’m thankful for that!

So much good has come into my life since then, and because we didn’t stay together. I couldn’t at the time predict or even imagine what my future held. By trying to force the situation of us staying together, all I did was bring pain into my then present… And the result was still the same.

Do your best, then wait and see

Doug and I are not advising you to just accept whatever happens in life without making efforts to change. This is unhealthy, and a sure path to unhappiness.

Detachment comes into play after all efforts are made, when you’ve given your best and the results are unknown. Sometimes things work as we wish, and sometimes they don’t.

Being too attached to the result of an honest effort will not change the result, and will only bring heartache. Do your best, set up the steps for success and send your desire out into the world. If it works out like you wish, great! If not, rework your ideas, try again and see what happens. Sadness and emotional breakdowns are not productive.

Creative effort brings about change. Fully thinking through a situation and making conscious decision with a clear mind will lead to the desired results more often than emotional longings that aren’t backed up with effort and realistic goals.

We never have the full picture of our life, and aren’t able to know what will be best for us in the long run. Sometimes things don’t work as we wish. It’s OK to be disappointed. But keep a level of detachment from the result… Don’t get too emotionally invested. If you do, you may miss the door that opened as you cry about the one which just closed…


Use your own life experiences to see how detachment makes everything easier. Think back to when you were a teenager. Think of something you wanted more than anything and didn’t get. How did you feel when things didn’t go as you wished? Did being upset change the situation? What is better in your life because things didn’t go like you wanted them to back then? Would detachment have made the situation easier to handle?

Life is no different today, no matter how old you are. We’ll get what we want sometimes, and sometimes we won’t. Eventually though, we’ll see that everything worked out as it should… Trusting this process and remaining a bit removed from results will lead to more happiness in the present… And the present is where we exist.

Next- Practice visualization.


  1. As an adult Indigo, i have always been offended to being “pinned down” and to pinning down anybody or anything. When you do that, you take the magic out of it. This keeps me in the space of allowing – anything – to come in. This is my blessing. And this is the source of my growth. Anything, for the good of me, and for others, has simply shown up. I have never set goals, had expectations. I simply do, what I know is right, and “let it be.”

  2. Thank you for this great post. Today is the deadline to apply for my top choice grad school. Needless to say, I have been stressing about this day for several months. Your post had helped me realize that I have done all I can do and it is out of my hands now. If I am meant to go to grad school there, it will happen. I did apply to others just in case. If it isn’t in the cards for me, well then, back to the drawing board I shall go.
    Thank you for the reminder!!!!

    1. You’re welcome Natali- Good luck with your application… Things will work out as they’re supposed to.

  3. this is a really great post and timely for me as I am struggling with control issues. Thanks for the great advice.

    1. You’re welcome Jane- Thanks for reading…

  4. This is an excellent way of justifying that detachment is so essential and we never get what all we desire in this world. but detachment is very very painful…I have an article lined up for my blog on this emotion and also have written a poem on Detachment, which is a part of my book.

    Some persons possess the capability to detach easily or they don’t form deep attachments, probably but some are sentimental fools who can’t detach.

    Thanks for sharing such an insightful post. I liked it!

    1. Thanks for your input. It’s difficult, at first, to step back and look at the larger view of our lives. Some can do it m
      Exore easily than others,but everyone can learn how to do it.

  5. Lorraine · · Reply

    “You will find greater inner peace when you do not need others to act in a certain way to be happy yourself.”

    “Nonresistance, non-judgement and non-attachment are the three aspects of true enlightened living.”

    “Release the emotional attachment to beliefs from the past so that they don’t hurt you now. If you live fully in the moment you cannot be hurt by the past, no matter what it was.”

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